Anyone ever had a successful extramarital affair?

The Internet is full of stories and postings telling how terrible their spouse was for having an affair. But still millions of people have an affair every year. There must be an appeal. I talk to close friends and relatives who had an affair and many times it was the most exciting thing they have ever experienced. They say the sex is 100 times better than what it is with their wife or husband. It is just so exciting and makes life worth living. In many cases it tells them that their marriage is poor and that they are really in love with the other person.

Anyone here want to admit they had an extra marital affair and it turned out to be the best and most exciting thing they ever did?
There are thousands of posts telling us how terrible extramarital affairs are. If you are going on a soapbox and telling us that, do not expect a best answer selection. I am looking for someone to honestly tell me that their affair was great.

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22 Responses to “Anyone ever had a successful extramarital affair?”

  1. Happy-2 says:

    Cheating on my wife was the worst decision I have ever made in my life. I cannot “admit” that it was good, because it wasn’t.

  2. golfman says:

    Was it exciting…yes! I was able to do things I would never have been able to try before. However, things just feel right with the spouse.

  3. mebo 2 says:

    I had a successful affair with beer.

  4. Remember to Breathe says:

    I don’t understand how a good root with someone else can equate to ‘making life worth living’, if that’s all you live for, you seriously need to find a hobby.

    If anything it should tell them that they are selfish individuals, who would rather satisfy their own needs whether it be once or repetitively than confront the issues in their relationship.

  5. ladyren says:

    The appeal in betray is sweet deceit.

    If you find that a success………..uh, how sad.

    In the end, affairs erode marriages, and families.

    If all you wish is sex, remain single, and frequent sex clubs. They are all over everywhere.

    (How sad that you have relatives and friends who find that the only thing that makes their life worth living is orgasm in adultery.)

    Either you’re a troll, or an absolute idiot.

  6. ♥Gift From Virgo♥ says:

    What disgusting, selfish people you “surveyed”.

  7. C H says:

    Is there such a thing as a successful extramarital affair?
    A marriage is supposed to be between two people and they are supposed to work through their problems not run of and ‘confide’ in someone else.
    Cheating is never a solution. I have never known an affair that hasn’t been found out and the fall out will out weigh any of the ‘excitement’ the affair created. Once a trust is broken it can never be fully repaired.
    An affair is a fantasy, it is appealing to some people because more often than not it is purely physical. They don’t live together or have financial worries or argue over who has to take the bins out.
    A marriage is real life and like all things in life there are great times and difficult times.
    And all that is before even mentioning if children are involved…

  8. bubba says:

    Not me but my wife likes to flaunt her lover

  9. Darkking says:

    Don’t do it
    You will only help the stereotype that westerners are immoral

  10. back 2 normal says:

    I’m still living with guilt, after my stupid and selfish “extramarital affair” that happened 2yrs ago. So, no. It wasn’t the best.I know my husband didn’t deserve the betrayal. Although we worked things out (thank god)I know it was the worst decision I made.

  11. Iggy says:

    Are you just looking for a reason to cheat?

  12. Allyn W says:

    So you must mean successful in the fact they have never been caught? Or they married the person they had an affair with and lived happily ever after? Or they got what they deserved and are now divorced? The last one would be the most probable. If you make a commitment stick with it, otherwise you do a disservice to yourself and your spouse.

  13. Mr. Fix It says:

    The bottom line is, flings are fun.
    Let’s suppose for a moment you lived with your best-friend or perhaps sister.
    If she hooked-up with and was dating a nice attractive guy, you wouldn’t feel jealous et. al. and want to throw her out, you’d be happy for her and even might /help her out/ by getting out of the house or baby-sitting.
    Now that more accurately describes an open-marriage or polyamorous marriage than an affair.

    Most of those people are /not/ really “in love” with their affair, they are “in love” with the /fantasy/ of escape from their real-lives. If they dump their spouse and move in with their affair, lo-and-behold the fantasy is destroyed and many times that is when they finally realize what a terrible mistake they have made and want to get back with their spouse [not always].
    “The grass is not greener on the other side, it is greener where you water it.”

    The problem with affairs is that you necessarily >lie< to your spouse about what is going on.
    In that regard, it’s like stealing; it’s a rush to do something you know you should not be doing so all those emotions are mixed in as well. This is also the core reason trust is totally destroyed, lies about sex & love. This is also why at the start of the affair, the straying spouse will often make efforts to make their affair /known/ to their spouse as a “friend”, trying to desperately cling to the delusion “I’m not really keeping anything a secret”.

    The next resultant problem with affairs, due to the lies, is that it becomes a distraction that prevents you from addressing the real problems in the primary relationship. Whatever was lacking [fun, excitement, going out, good sex, attention, parenting, etc... etc...] will now be satisfied by an external source so it stays broken in the marriage.
    [When you have open relationships you have to strong relationship skills and force yourself to deal with issues head-on and not easily avoid them by spending time with another person.]
    Also, of course, most spouses expect faithfulness and the discovery of their spouse having an affair, dating, loving, sexing, another person and lying to their face about it is the most painful experience they ever have in their entire lives.

    Generally speaking, because we love ourselves first and are highly judgmental the conversations about having an open-relationship don’t happen or are even regarded as “deal-breakers” in and of themselves – many women get pissed at the notion rooted in their [irrational & unrealistic] wont to be the sole /object/ of desire of their spouse.

    If monogamy is enacted by coercion and control, that is not love. It needs to be a mutual free choice.

    In fact, if your spouse [or potential spouse] has a history of cheating, the *best* thing you can do is flat out tell them “Go ahead and cheat if you want to, I give you permission” and blam, you _kill_ the sneaking-around fun of it and more likely than not they will sleep around a bit more and then it will no longer be fun and they’ll stop. [Breaking control-defiance cycles changes behavior, but it has to be a control-defiance issue for this to "work".]

    As-far-as “no one takes their vows seriously”, there are more vows than “forsake all others”, such as “until death do us part”, “to have and to hold”, and “to love and to cherish”.
    If you are not upholding /all/ of your vows it’s a bit hypocritical to expect your spouse to.

  14. Acquiescent says:

    I hate to admit that I’m a member of the piece of crap club, but I am.

    For me cheating wasn’t a “something better” situation. I felt my marriage was in shambles and not repairable in any fashion whatsoever. So, when I cheated, I was looking for selfish reassurance that I was a decent person. The irony is that in looking for someone to validate my “decency”, I became indecent.

    Granted, I realize my story is one of a million, I’m sure; but, I don’t think “fun” is always the main reason some people cheat.

    And seriously, how can you call a major failing a “success”?

  15. Optimist says:

    It all depends on the reason for the affair. If it is to seek emotional fulfilment, it will be less of a success, than some other reason.

  16. La Vie Boheme says:

    People have affairs for a reason. Sometimes bad reasons and sometimes acceptable reasons. Most of the time, they aren’t even planned and sometimes it was just a mistake. I have a friend who was married for 15 years and had 2 children. Her husband became very disconnected as the years went by (not just with her but with people in general) and their sex life came to complete halt (no sex for 7 years-his choice) but she still stayed with him. One day she ran into a very old friend who was having some issues of his own and they became each others support system. Than they fell in love like no other people I saw fall in love before. She made the choice to leave her husband and now her and her partner are together. So far, so good.

  17. Thanks for the tips your talking about it so the rest of us will know! Will use for sure. But, took me a while to get it right, you have to nurture the environment that first made it work early on and also avoid a ton of poor decisions we all make naturally if you want to save marriage alone

  18. Possibly you let me know the place that the for you to obtain this particular is actually coming from? I’ll curious regarding understanding associated with that.

  19. humili says:

    Human beings are complicated!

    People who have affairs sometimes are good people caught up in the mist of societial expectations!

    Sometimes affair with someone is not just merely all about SEX!

    It can be a rekindle to your lost soul that u have never felt by someone new , who explored you wholesomely in a deep way. It reached you further to bring about a new you! It is like a new growth!

    Sad to say, it does not mean your spouse who married you always know how to bring out the best in you.

    So though not the right thing to do morally, I feel everything happens for a reason!

    Sometimes it just happens!

  20. maverick says:

    I have the experience of getting into an affair with somebody who is married for a couple of decades and myself a decade. It started as a very emotional connect by way of the gap both of us saw in our lives that our spouses could not fill. To that extent we did not have any guilt. Our relationship extended to physical realms and now we feel that we need to have a stop at this and focus on how we can get our spouses fill the gap that led to this relationship. We have decided to tone down this relationship and have introduced each other’s families so that this relationship is nothing but platonic. not sure if this will survive the test of time, but we find both of us the best sounding boards and soulmates.

  21. admin says:


    Excellent example of an extra marital affair. The bottom line from your post implies that you became emotionally attracted to each other due to certain “gaps in your life which the spouses couldn’t fulfil”.
    admin´s last blog ..AGTV Ep16-1 Darryl &amp Susan Darling My ComLuv Profile

  22. katelyn says:

    Since everyone else here wants to post about how there is “no such thing” as a successful affair I figured I would actually give u the comment you asked for. I had (am still having) a successful affair with my best friend’s significant other… I don’t do it for the excitement (although it is there) I do it because he simply fuffils me in a way my husband cannot. I love my husband dearly, we are a perfect match intellectually however, when it comes to hobbies and things we enjoy we are polar opposites. The man I am having an affair with not only satisfies my physical side in a way my husband cannot he also enjoys going to the same events and places as I do. I know I fill the same role in his life with his girlfriend (my best friend) there is definently a constant feeling of…dread at the thought of being caught however, we are both adults and willing to deal with the consequences should the need to arrive. Anyone out there can call me a slut or a horrible person or whatever else they like but, frankly my life is my life to live however I choose. I would rather this than be in a relationship with someone I love but have no interests in common with, and that doesn’t give me what I need physically. I don’t worry about being caught because I believe as soon as I worry about it that’s wheb it will happen. We were friends before we started sleeping together so we don’t have to worry about being seen together or calling one another… we only have to watch the PDA in public places. Whether I choose to see him on the side for another year, another 5 years, or 5 days I don’t have any regrets about it. It nakes it so I caan be happy in my marriage instead of miserable and contemplating divorce… I consider that successful.

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